PepsiCo Reports Tepid Quarterly Results, Stewie Griffin Reacts with His Signature Sass

Wait PepsiCo? Seriously?

Oh bloody marvelous! Our dear old PepsiCo is back in the headlines with some rather underwhelming quarterly results. I must say it's quite disappointing. I was expecting something more exciting like a battle between evil geniuses or an attempt to take over the world. But alas it's just about their food and drinks. Boring!

Earnings Per Share: Er What Do Those Numbers Mean?

According to those Wall Street folks and their oh so important expectations PepsiCo reported adjusted earnings per share of $1.78 which apparently fell short of the anticipated $1.72. A few cents here and there who even cares? Well Wall Street does I suppose. They're always so touchy about these silly numbers.

Revenue Shmevenue: Falling Short Again

Ah revenue the lifeblood of a company. Unfortunately PepsiCo's revenue for the quarter was $27.85 billion while those demanding Wall Street analysts expected $28.4 billion. It's like buying a toy and finding out it's missing a piece. Disappointing to say the least.

Organic Revenue: It's Not About Kale

Now here's a term that's grabbing attention organic revenue. No we're not talking about kale smoothies or gluten free snacks. It's all about excluding acquisitions and divestitures. PepsiCo's organic revenue grew by a decent 4.5% in the quarter thanks to higher prices. So I guess they're not going green after all.

Volume or Lack Thereof: What's Going On?

Strap in folks. We're diving into the thrilling world of volume. PepsiCo's volume which takes out pricing and currency changes managed to slide down the slippery slope yet again. The North American Quaker Foods division reported an 8% decline in volume. Ouch! Looks like people aren't craving those granola bars and cereals as much as before.

Pepsi's Fizz Fizzles Out in the Beverage Unit

Alert the presses! Pepsi's North American beverage unit saw its volume plummet by a whopping 6% in the quarter. That's a lot of lost fizz my friends. Perhaps people have finally realized that there are better options out there than just chugging cola all day. Water anyone?