A humorous and satirical look at Gordon Pointe, the $295 million property in Naples, Florida
A humorous and satirical look at Gordon Pointe, the $295 million property in Naples, Florida

The Shelby Perspective

Alright listen up lads. There's a new contender in town for the most expensive home for sale in the U.S. And let me tell you it's a bloody doozy. Welcome to Gordon Pointe a fancy sounding compound in Naples Florida. They're asking a staggering $295 million for this bad boy and I'm here to give you the rundown.

Size Doesn't Matter

Now you might be thinking 'Tommy why should we care about the size of this place?' Well my friends according to the listing agent it's not about the size of the three grand houses on the property. It's about privacy beach frontage and the potential for significant development. Apparently this place can accommodate more than 200,000 square feet of residential development. That's a heck of a lot of room for activities if you ask me.

Pennies for Private Seclusion

But here's the real kicker lads. This nine acre estate comes with its very own peninsula. That means you can be secluded without feeling isolated. It's like living on an island but without all the inconveniences. And let's not forget about the private yacht basin and T shaped dock. This is the kind of place where you dock your yacht like a f***ing boss.

Price Comparison Madness

Now let's put this $295 million price tag into perspective shall we? The median listing price in Port Royal is a mere $24.1 million. The highest priced home in the area before Gordon Pointe hit the market was just $45 million. And there's even an empty adjacent lot going for $63 million. So yeah they might be charging a pretty penny for this place but they're confident they can defend that price all day long.

Long Road to a Sale

Alright lads listen up. These nine figure properties don't exactly fly off the market. It takes time and sometimes a bit of fancy whispering behind closed doors. Just take a look at the second and third most expensive listings in the country. They've been on the market for ages slashing prices left and right. So let's see if Gordon Pointe can beat the odds and find a deep pocketed buyer.

Billionaires and Their Mansions

It's no surprise that these mega mansions attract the attention of the rich and famous. We're talking about the likes of Ken Griffin Jeff Bezos Larry Ellison and Marc Andreessen. These blokes have enough cash to buy entire neighborhoods if they wanted to. And let's not forget the whispered sales where deals go down without anyone even knowing. It's like playing a high stakes game of Monopoly but with real money.


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