Paramount Global Layoffs: Stewie Griffin's Take on the Super Bowl Fallout

Another One Bites the Dust

Oh the sweet taste of corporate layoffs. Paramount Global has decided to make its mark in the 'downsizing' trend by giving the boot to hundreds of employees all in the name of building momentum and executing their strategic vision. Sounds like a real winner doesn't it? *eye roll*

Brace Yourselves Pink Slips Are Coming

According to reports about 800 people at Paramount Global will soon be getting the dreaded 'you're fired' notification. I can already hear the sobbing and begging for mercy. Good luck scrounging for jobs in this economy. *evil baby chuckle*

Can Someone Pass the Tissues?

In an internal memo CEO Bob Bakish tried to soften the blow by saying 'These adjustments will help enable us to build on our momentum and execute our strategic vision for the year ahead.' Ah yes nothing says 'strategic vision' like reducing your workforce. Bravo Bob. *sips imaginary tea*

Money Talks and This Stock Walked

After news of the layoffs broke shares of Paramount took a nosedive dropping about 4%. Ouch. Looks like investors aren't too thrilled about the 'strategic vision' either. Maybe try a magic show next time Bob. 'Now you see the profits now you don't.' *winks*

The Merger Maze

Not satisfied with just laying off employees Paramount Global is also considering its options for merger and acquisition. Rumor has it they've been chatting up Skydance Media and Warner Bros. Discovery. Can't wait to see what kind of Frankenstein's monster they create. *mad scientist cackle*

Streaming Service Suffering

Paramount's streaming service Paramount+ is bleeding money. Like bucketloads of it. In the third quarter alone they lost a whopping $238 million. Hey Paramount maybe try putting out some actually good content? Just a thought. *rolls eyes dramatically*