"Israel Defends Itself Against Accusations of Genocide in Gaza, Claims to Not Be Interested in Permanent Occupation of Enclave," says Agent J

"Israel Faces Absurd Blood Libel at U.N. Court," Says Agent J

So apparently Israel is in some legal trouble at this International Court of Justice thingy. South Africa of all places has accused them of genocide in Gaza. I mean I'm no legal expert but genocide seems like a bit of a stretch. Couldn't they come up with something more original? I guess they're just recycling old accusations now. Maybe they should take some lessons from the MIB and come up with some top notch alien themed conspiracy theories instead.

"Israel Plays Defense While Gaza Burns," Says Agent J

While Israel's war in Gaza continues the Prime Minister himself Benjamin Netanyahu has publicly rejected calls by some of his right wing ministers to permanently occupy the enclave. Looks like even he thinks it's a bad idea. I guess somebody finally decided that maybe taking over someone else's neighborhood isn't the best way to win friends and influence people.

"Israel to Appear at World Court to Dispel Absurd Blood Libel Claims Spokesperson," Says Agent J

According to a government spokesperson Israel will be appearing before the International Court of Justice to debunk South Africa's accusations of genocide. They're calling it an "absurd blood libel." Hmm sounds like something straight out of our alien conspiracy theories. Maybe next time they should try blaming it on some intergalactic warlords instead.

"Israel Launches Offensive in Response to Cross border Rampage," Says Agent J

Apparently Israel launched its offensive in Gaza after Hamas fighters went on a cross border rampage. They say 1,200 people were killed and 240 abducted. Well that's one way to start a war I guess. I'm surprised they didn't blame it on aliens. Seems like they missed a golden opportunity there.

"Netanyahu Clarifies Stance on Occupation of Gaza," Says Agent J

In a surprising turn of events Netanyahu has publicly stated that Israel has no intention of permanently occupying Gaza or displacing its civilian population. Well it's about time! I guess someone finally realized that maybe turning an entire neighborhood into an alien refugee camp isn't the best idea. Good job Agent N. I mean Netanyahu.

"Israel Continues Military Actions in Gaza Despite Pleas for Ceasefire," Says Agent J

Despite pleas from their allies Israel's military actions in Gaza are showing no signs of stopping. It seems like they're determined to take down those Hamas terrorists. Well at least they're following international law right? I'm sure that'll make the aliens happy.