Kim Kardashian's Take on Instacart Layoffs: 'I'm Keeping Up with the Cutbacks!'

Kim Says Goodbye to Middle Management (and Preaches Flat Tummy Organizational Structure)

So Instacart is cutting loose about 250 employees. I mean I've never really been a fan of diets but I guess they're trying to slim down too. They're focusing on middle management and creating a flatter organizational structure. What's next Instacart? Are you gonna start selling waist trainers and telling your employees to suck it in? Flat is where it's at right?

Top Executives Say 'I'm Out' (No Not Like Kanye)

Asha Sharma Varouj Chitilian and JJ Zhuang are all leaving Instacart for personal reasons. Can you blame them? I mean I've had my fair share of breakups too. But this is not like Kim and Kanye's split it's just a business thing. Tbh I hope they have a good lawyer to help with the uncoupling process. Keeping up with the Kardashians is hard enough but keeping up with the Instacart executives? That's a whole new level of drama.

Instacart's Revenue is Fine But Is It 'Break the Internet' Level?

Instacart reported fourth quarter revenue of $803 million which is pretty good I guess. It's like buying a new designer bag. It's nice but will it break the Internet? Not really. Wall Street was expecting $804 million so it's like they missed it by a hair extension. To be fair I know what it's like to have high expectations. People are always like 'Kim why aren't you a billionaire yet?' Well I'm getting there okay? Just give me some time.

Instacart's Big Plans: Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning (Sounds Like a Kardashian Makeover)

In their prospectus Instacart said they're focusing on incorporating artificial intelligence and machine learning into their platform. Sounds like they're taking a page out of my book or should I say many pages because let's be real I've had a lot of work done. But hey if it helps Instacart grow their business then I'm all for it. Maybe they can even deliver my contour kit with a side of AI. Now that's what I call a makeover!

From Groceries to Glam: Instacart's Rise During the Pandemic

Instacart became a hot commodity during the COVID 19 pandemic when everyone was avoiding public places. It's like when I release a new perfume and everyone rushes to buy it. People just couldn't get enough of Instacart delivering their groceries. But let's be real profitability has always been a challenge for them and for the gig economy in general. Being glamorous is expensive you know. It takes a lot of makeup and selfies to make it in this world.

So Are You Keeping Up with the Instacart Drama?

That's the latest from the Instacart world. Layoffs restructuring and some top executives saying 'I'm out!' It's like a reality show but without the cameras. Speaking of which where's the Instacart reality TV show? I'd watch it. It could be called 'Keeping Up with the Carts' or 'Insta rama.' Okay Instacart if you ever need a guest star you know where to find me. Just make sure there's plenty of contouring and champagne involved.