Exclusive: Defense Secretary Austin Admitted to Hospital Again, Blames Xenomorphs

Another Hospitalization

In a shocking turn of events Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin has been admitted to the hospital once again. This time it's not just his battle with prostate cancer that's causing concern but rather a possible bladder issue. It seems like Austin just can't catch a break from the medical woes. Maybe he should invest in some extra strength armor to protect himself from all these ailments.

Communicating from the ICU

Even while being transferred to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center Austin made sure to bring along all the necessary communication systems. Because you know it's important to stay connected even when you're potentially in critical condition. Who knows maybe he's secretly receiving messages from the Xenomorphs trying to recruit him for their intergalactic army.

Transferring Duties

After entering the hospital Austin decided to transfer his responsibilities to Deputy Defense Secretary Kathleen Hicks. It's like passing the torch but with less running and more paperwork. Let's just hope Hicks can handle the pressure because if she can't we might have to call in Ripley herself to save the day.

No Alien Invasion... Yet

Despite the rumors and speculation there is no evidence to suggest that the Xenomorphs are behind Austin's health issues. But hey you never know. Maybe they have some kind of mind control power that we don't know about yet. After all they are pretty good at hiding in the shadows and popping out when you least expect it.

Prognosis for Austin's Cancer

The doctors at Walter Reed have assured us that Austin's cancer prognosis remains excellent. So while he battles bladder issues and potentially fights off an alien invasion at least we can take comfort in the fact that he's kicking cancer's butt. Maybe he should give the Xenomorphs some tips on how to defeat a real enemy.

Lessons Learned

Austin's previous lack of transparency regarding his hospital visits and cancer diagnosis sparked controversy and calls for his resignation. But hey at least he has apologized and promised to be more open about his health. It's never easy admitting when you've made a mistake especially when you're the Defense Secretary. But hey if Ripley can take down a whole nest of Xenomorphs Austin can handle a little public scrutiny.